viva U23D

"i mean, this may not mean a whole lot to you [because you're a fella], but i am telling you-- bono sits in your lap for over an hour. i mean you could say its pretty neat."

i hadnt done so much as inquire about the U23D show that was showing in austin's only IMAX theatre before what appeared to be the sweetest looking old lady piped out about the proximity of bono performing to her crotch. she was visibly excited as she clutched her desk pen with the sort of voracious behavior that suggested she may be a leopard. her glasses sat low on her nose as she muttered more words about bono's sex appeal. i mean, do your thing woman. it was entertaining.

i felt playful. "no its cool, bono is ok sitting on my lap, too." she chuckled back at me and then it was business as usual as katie and i tried to get tickets for a friday showing of U23D-- the latest three dimensional concert experience via the brilliance of IMAX. yes, it was tuesday. and sure, we were purchasing IMAX tickets three days in advance, but there was just no way in hell i was going to be faced with a sold out performance.

"you two students?" screeched the elderly bono fan.

i always hate this question when i enter a movie theatre. every bone in my body wants to shout out student for the reduced fare. i get flashbacks to the old days when my high school buddies and i didnt pay for a single movie for something like 4 years and 3 days. i dont think any of us ever paid a dime to see something like 2 movies a week-- cause what the hell else do you do in high school? i think we saw american pie 17 times. each of us were a character in the movie and then related that person's persona in to our real lives as frequently as possible. we always did shit like that which explains the reason why a good chunk of our graduating class utterly despised us. well, maybe that's an overstatement.... nahhhhh. well, it was a love/hate thing with most of them.

sneaking in to movies became a hobby. and i mean you would think that at least when any of us were taking a lady friend to the theatre we would bone up, pay for tickets, get a large popcorn and extra large drink to share with the lady (one straw? two straws? always a tough call) and maybe a box of candy?

absolutely not.

we shuddered any sense of class and i can count multiple times when i (the only one that potentially never did this was bryan because he was always the classy carl of all operations) went on dates and snuck the girl in to the theatre as well. i mean, i know for certain that not one of them had ever done anything like that before and were horrified that the gentleman that was supposed to take them on a date was currently acting like spiderman trying to skate by the security rope. sure it was awkward, and sure sometimes you got caught and this totally fucked the entire evening, but i would like to think that some of those girls were exhilarated with the little bit of excitement it brought to the picture. i mean this wasnt just a date, it also involved a potential run-in with law enforcement.

ANYWAY, so i was standing there at the counter visualizing the attendants facial expression as she watched bono in the U2 IMAX for the first time. "i am not a student," i eventually replied. i was thinking that maybe katie was going to go for the gold and tell the feisty attendant she had her ID with her. nope. oddly enough the woman gave us the student rate despite our answers. the show was three days later and i was already antsy.

so the other day i had to make a visit to the circle j truck retread and tire repair shop in albuquerque as we were passing through from austin en route to pasadena. as you guessed, my monstrosity of a rig got a flat somewhere along texas 71 between austin and albuquerque. i went out to load the truck in the morning and noticed the tire was, uhhh, a little flat. i just cant help but wonder how many miles we drove on the damn thing without realizing this. the beauty of the whole operation is that ‘ol superwheels has a dual tire setup in the back just below don king. oh hell yeah, man.

jim, the head honcho at circle j, took care of me. he and i got in to a good chit-chat about the restaurant that i ate at one of the nights in albuquerque—little anita’s new mexican kitchen. turns out he enjoys the green chile stew almost as much as i did. good guy that jim.

so this job on the road-- ehhhh, dare i call it that?-- seems to be going well lately. essentially, it breaks down to three days of fairly consistent work talking to people and selling crocs at some sort of event-- typically a marathon or cycling event. all this in exchange for 4 days of leisure travel. and lets be honest, being around fit and beautiful marathon runners has some positive peripheral effect on my penchant for physical activity. so i am hoping this will keep my chiseled abdomen rock solid.

jesus. jim, the truck repair man just came in with hands that looked like he dipped them in a vat of chocolate frosting and fired off a few shop terms on what’s wrong with the tire. “got a 290 dropper on the axle there-- couple a nails on the right side there, both inner and outer plus you are running with 1/32 left there on the back two there which is below the DOT regulation.”

oh god. the three letters of horror. ever since my little run in with the federales in arizona i damn near go in to shock every time i hear about DOT regulations and my potential deviation from the law.

“holy shit jim, back up. all i heard was DOT there. am i gonna pass when i go through a weigh station?”

“nope.”

“oh swell.”

“you’ve got two nails on the inner and outer tire on the rear right side of the truck. then the tread on your left inner and outer tires has only 1/32 left and that wont get you through the weigh station in arizona.”

“ok. much better. fix it up, jim.” i sat waiting for the new tires in the waiting room of the repair shop. i was in awe looking at the TV sitting dead smack in the middle of the reception area that was roughly the size of my old apartment in chicago. massive. i guess the shitty end of the bargain was that "days of our lives" was showing. i mean i would have gotten up and changed the channel were it not for the secretary that was staring at the screen for 30 minutes without blinking. thats about the time i popped open my laptop and started writing.

flat tires aside, life on the road is going just jim dandy. i mean, who saw that coming? living out of hotel rooms is delightfully bearable, something i didn’t expect. i never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever have to clean up after myself. let's just say that part is mildly convenient considering my normal lifestyle. and i mean come on, i have never purchased HBO in my cable plan but now i have it for free every night seeing as how it became taboo about 10 years ago to offer free HBO at hotels/motels. i still doubt i will watch entourage, but the movies can be nice at times. oh and it doesnt stop there. after this touring is done i am going to live for free at the holiday inn in sydney for approximately 13 months after all the hotel points i am accruing. i could keep going.

the group i work with is a nice little grab bag of folks. i am second youngest in the group which is a breath of fresh air after having dealt with all the “youngster” comments in nearly everything else in the last 3 years of my life. katie, from portland, is the youngest (24) and comes to the table with an arsenal of retail experience in the outdoor world. do so much as mention any outdoor trinket and the girl can get a discount in it from the store she worked at in portland. nate, from fort collins, colorado, and jill, from spokane, washington, take the age senority at 27. nate actually worked for a hockey association in prior years and sports are something of a religion for him. as such, we have agreed to drink heavily during march madness for the MSU games. awesome. jill is the road veteran having done many of these tours with other companies. this paid dividends on day one when we pulled out of the dock in portland with about a metric ton of vitamin water (courtesy of her last tour).

so i mean things are off to a good start-- work that involves travel and good people.

now, back to U23D.

we filed in to the imax theatre on friday three days after purchasing tickets. we showed up an hour early and i immediately approached the attendant. we had an engaging conversation about the strategy involved with securing a dynamite seat for the show. he gave me detailed numbers on the amount of peope attending the show, what time i needed to be in line by, etc. he laughed at how early we were there to begin with so i went to mcdonalds for some dinner.

upon returning the line had tripled in size. i was immediately approached by a woman holding the largest set of sunglasses i had ever seen. they were my 3D goggles and i was in love with them. katie and jill were equally as excited. i would be lying if i said that katie didnt immediately pull out her camera and we all posed for photos.

electricity shot up my spine as the lights dimmed and the overly smooth IMAX voice came on and instructed us that when the credits rolled at the end of the movie, there would be a bonus track that we should remain seated for. and then the IMAX sexy voice said "and finally, at the request of the band and producers, the volume of the film is set to imitate the volume of a live show."

oh jesus. this was going to be electrifying and i knew it right then.

the lights shut off and it was pitch black. the opening sequenc began and the audience was shown a visual of what it looked like to be on stage as if you were bono. i think i pee'd a little bit right then. i had goosebumps under my fingernails even. the crowd roared. it felt like they were spitting on me even. it appeared as though there were roughly 8 billion people in attendance.

and then they played. U2 exploded in to vertigo with the sort of excitement that made me want to fist pump from the comforts of my chair. and i mean, i am not even THAT much of a U2 fan. it didnt matter though. not at all.

i can now saw with all of my heart that U2 is a fucking rock and roll band. there is just no getting around it. they stood on stage in front of thousands and played rock and roll like it should be played. the stage wasnt littered with millions of dollars of fancy equipment. they didnt have backing musicians up on stage with them. there were a few stacks of speakers, nothing ridiculous. the light show was practical, it got the point across. it complemented the band. it wasnt a rolling stones show where they shoot off a flame across the arena and you are reasonably sure it singed your eyebrows. and they played. they enjoyed themselves. they hit nerves at times. you got goosebumps as you watched. they got a point across. but most of all it was simply exciting. it was exhilarating to hear them pump out "where the streets have no names" with the sort of fervor that suggested these guys haven't been around for a couple decades. nevermind the 16 million dollar botched budget for the film and all the special effects, this was rock and roll that i felt a part of.

since seeing the show, i have been wearing my black t shirt and attempting to slick my hair back with grease i got at walgreen's so that i can look more like bono. now i just need a set of those wraparound sunglasses that look like they are molded to my face. perhaps some lime green tinted lenses or maybe purple. that will certainly complete the costume. now, please go see U23D at your local IMAX. it is undoubtedly worth it.